Your last date was a disaster, so you are ready to go on another one. In fact, the last five dates have been uneventful and downright aggravating! In addition to lack of chemistry, blatant rudeness, boredom and narcissistic behavior, there are many other kinds of bad dates.
We All Have Our Stories:
After dating this guy a few times, he went up to my bathroom and left 10 minutes later! WTF? My medicine cabinet did not contain anything incriminating. Talk about a Seinfeld episode! I fell off my bicycle on a second date & ended up in the hospital after spinning out in the gravel. During another memorable date, my date became angry at something he didn’t agree with, quickly paid the bill at the restaurant and didn’t even stop the car to let me out at my front door. It became my “tuck & roll” bad date!
Your intuition should always be your number one guide when putting yourself out there into the dating market. If it doesn’t feel right and your gut starts churning, don’t go there! Even a text can show red flags!
10 Things to be Aware of on a First Date:
- Do they pay attention to you & are you attracted to them?
- Have they made an effort with their appearance and complimented yours?
- Does the conversation feel interview-like or is it equally shared? Does it all revolve around them?
- Throughout the date, were they polite and respectful? How did their body language convey their message?
- They make you feel comfortable, don’t they? Are they too playful or too serious?
- Did they keep to the original schedule and were they on time? Did they cancel or reschedule the date?
- In early conversations, are they blunt about sex?
- What happened after the date ended? Did they take you home?
- What are your common interests? Is the conversation flowing freely or is it awkward or forced? (Opposites may attract, but they rarely stay together.)
- What makes them interesting and authentic? Do you want to see them again & are you interested in them? Don’t ignore anything that seems insincere and make sure there is a fit.
What do you do if you are uncomfortable and want to leave when you’re out on a date?
When things aren’t going well, many people are too polite or too shy to say anything controversial. On the first date, tell them that you have a two hour time limit so that they know when you have to go elsewhere. Make sure you establish trust and rapport with them before letting them pick you up or going to their house. In the early stages of meeting someone, make sure that you are in control of your entrance and departure.
Despite the number of texts and phone calls you may have had with them, you still don’t know them. (Some people are very good at manipulating others.) Don’t fall for their smooth talking ways until you meet them in person. You can tell a lot about someone by their eye contact!
Should you be Honest if your Date is Rude?
When dealing with something like this, most people do not know what to say. They walk away if the date was unpleasant and let it go as an experience they don’t want to repeat! Maybe they will learn from what bothered you if you tell them tactfully what bothered you. Most people aren’t aware of how they are perceived by others. Perhaps you were placed in their path so they could learn something about themselves through you.
Life lessons are not just about what we need to learn about ourselves but also what we can do for someone else.
A friend introduced me to a guy who spent the entire first date on the phone with me. I got up after an hour, paid the server, and left my credit card number without a word. He probably didn’t even notice. There was no respect for me or my time and he did not even hold up a finger to apologize silently. He clearly does it regularly and doesn’t think anything of it. My offense was short-lived, however. Take bad behavior less personally and don’t waste time analyzing it. People can be rude; plain and simple; sometimes it’s just in their nature.
One of the ways to prevent some disaster dates is by pre-screening and really paying attention to the initial way they interact with you!
- Don’t take their online dating profile as the gospel truth. People lie all the time! Also be aware of your friend or family’s advice about that perfect person they may have for you. Talk to them on the phone first before meeting them and ask the questions that are important to you. Requesting a photo is not unreasonable or shallow. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and everyone has different tastes.
- Use the technology available at your fingertips; Google them!! Most people are on some sort of social media tool like Facebook, Instagram or Twitter. If it’s out there in cyberspace it’s free for the public to see. Protecting yourself is always your number 1 priority!
- Carrie Bradshaw from “Sex and the City,” says that first dates are like job interviews with cocktails. How true is that statement? When applying for a job you are paying attention to what they are saying and what they are offering you. Unfortunately many men & women make the mistake of not really hearing what is being said on the first few dates and could save themselves a lot of time and energy seeing any red flags earlier, rather than later.
- Cocktails may make you loosen up on a date but alcohol changes up what we perceive about a person and how we may be perceived by them. Let’s face it; we’re just a little bolder with liquid courage in our bloodstream. I know it’s easier to face someone new after a few beers or a glass of wine but if you want to get the real version of who they are, coffee is a much better choice on that first date.
Too many embarrassing things happen when alcohol enters the picture too early. (Just watch a few episodes of “The Bachelor or Bachelorette” reality show to see what I mean!)
- Narcissism can be quite common and is super annoying! This is when someone talks about themselves for the entire first date. They brag about their accomplishments, who they know, how much money they have, what type of car they drive and often discuss sex openly and how many people they have slept with! They may as well just have a conversation with themselves in the mirror. Nervousness is one thing but arrogance is another. Caring about another person is the first rule of dating. If it is all about them in the beginning, it probably always will be.
When Planning a First Date:
- Always have an alternative option in case your original plan gets altered due to the weather or something that may be uncomfortable for your date.
- Be organized, follow through and always respect their time. Do not bail last minute on a date because something better may have come up!
- We all have first date insecurities so the more information they have regarding the date particulars will put them at ease because there will be no surprises. They will know what to wear (casual or dressy, heels or runners) if they should eat beforehand and can look up the directions to the meeting location. Ask them if they have any questions or if they are comfortable with the date venue you chose.
- Confirm the date! This is appreciated and proper etiquette, especially if it was discussed a week or two before. It puts them at ease knowing you haven’t forgotten about it and that you are thinking about them & looking forward to seeing them.
Dating can be a great experience if you are smart and observe each scenario with clarity. You will learn how to weed out the wrong types and eventually stop attracting them towards you. Keep an open mind but don’t spend time with people you have no connection with. You shouldn’t have to talk yourself into being with someone!
It should be a natural fit that flows without too many questions or a thousand compromises. Yes, dating is frustrating and hard on your self-esteem, but anything worth having is not always an easy accomplishment. Don’t give up on love; treat it with the same patience & determination as you would with any other goal in your life; it’s always worth the wait and perseverance in the end.