The fact that you are reading this post means that you probably have a fear of approaching women, and are looking for ways to overcome this fear. The good news is that you are not alone. Many of us share exactly the same fears. Fear is a natural emotion, and it is not really possible to eliminate it. The secret to success is not to be found in eliminating fear, but in finding ways to deal with it.
Understanding your fear
Before you can start how to overcome fear of approaching women, you need to get some understanding about what causes the fear, and this needs some honest self-analysis. You need to ask yourself what exactly you are afraid of. Do you dislike the feeling of nervousness? Are you afraid your approach will be rejected? Do you think you are unworthy? Do you generally lack confidence? Do you consider yourself a success or failure in life?
If you want to know how to overcome fear of approaching women, you have to know the root cause of that fear. Once you know the cause, ask yourself if that fear is well founded. You are almost certainly a better person than you think you are. Most men who feel nervous about approaching women underestimate themselves. Very often, there is no solid reason for this poor impression.
Confidence is a state of mind. Confident people are often very successful in achieving their goals, whether those are personal or financial goals. With each success along the way, their confidence grows even stronger. They end up in a fantastic situation where their approach to life is constantly validated positively. Sometimes, their confidence levels are so high that they end up becoming supremely arrogant, yet this does not seem to hinder them.
If you ask such people why they are so confident, many of them will not be able to put their finger on exactly why they have the gift of confidence. This is partly because they have never been forced to closely examine themselves, since they tend to have fewer problems.
One key trait that is shared by confident people is that they do not care too much what other people think about them, or about their opinions. As far as they are concerned, you can take them or leave them. A major benefit of having this mental attitude is that they are not plunged into feelings of negativity when they fail. They simply put the failure behind them, and carry on pursuing their goals.
Developing this kind of mental attitude takes time and practice, but you can do it. All long journeys can be broken down into a series of smaller steps. You reach your destination by successfully completing all the smaller steps. If you meet resistance at any step, you should find another way to complete the step, and then move in to the next one.
One of the best ways you can start developing confidence is by concentrating on other people instead of on yourself. Try to show interest in them, rather than trying to get across what a nice person you are, or worrying about what they think of you. Here’s an example. If a woman approaches you for help because she cannot find an address, and you fancy her, put the idea of dating her out of your mind. Instead, concentrate on helping her solve her problem. When she sees you are genuinely trying to help her, she will view you in a very positive way. If she thinks you are hitting on her, she will simply put up the barriers, and the situation can quickly become uncomfortable for you both.
When you speak to somebody else, do not constantly try to interpret his or her facial expressions, and do not constantly ask yourself how that person is reacting to you. Very often, your interpretations will be wrong, but they will undermine your confidence.
Practice speaking to strangers in an open, friendly and non-threatening way. There are plenty of opportunities. Try making conversation with people you meet on the bus or train, while waiting in lines, or even in the store. The more you do this, the easier it will become. Do it with men and women of all ages and appearances, not just with women you fancy.
Keep your introductory remarks relaxed and friendly, and do not try to force the conversation. If it is obvious that the other person does not want to engage in conversation with you, just smile and forget about it.
Learning how to approach women without putting them on the defensive is the best way to get dates. By forgetting about dating and focusing on being friendly, you will be instantly more relaxed, and dates will inevitably follow. Adopting this approach has the added benefit of not being faced with constant rejections.
No matter how expert you are on how to approach a woman, you will not always be successful. Just because a woman is not interested in talking to you is not a reason for you to get depressed. The most handsome and successful men will encounter women who have no time for them. It is simply part of human life. Do not get upset or annoyed when this happens. Most importantly, do not give such a woman a reason to believe she was right to refuse to engage with you. Stay relaxed and friendly and let it go.
Most people like to talk about themselves, and most respond positively to good listeners. Become a good listener. This is also something that takes practice. When somebody is talking to you, give 100% of your attention to what they are saying. That means not letting other thoughts, such as what your next comment will be, creeping into your mind. When you concentrate on what people are saying, you will find it much easier to carry on a meaningful conversation with them.
When you are relaxed, those around you will also be more relaxed, and that includes women. If you look at approaching women as a challenge, then you will become tense, and you set yourself up for failure.