Most men would love to learn how to gain confidence with women. Unfortunately, we often use our emotions and powerful minds to cause ourselves to fail rather than succeed with women. It is a problem that is so common that it may seem ridiculous to even talk about it. Fear of women is a habit that can lead to failure. Nothing attracts a woman as fast as confidence in a man. Gaining confidence with women comes down to one thing: valuing yourself.
However, this does not happen overnight. It is a process.
Ask yourself a few questions: how many times have you been in a situation where you saw a gorgeous woman that you are dying to meet, but did not have the guts to go over and talk to her? What prevents us from just walking over and starting a conversation? Why do we stop ourselves from succeeding when it would be so easy? And even more importantly, how can we conquer this self–defeating pattern of action and thought?
All men have been in this situation, so you should not lose hope.
I have a friend who is so confident that he always gets phone numbers from women that he has just met, and he gets most numbers within ten minutes of meeting them. However, most of my other friends cannot ask a woman for her phone number even if they know she is single, and they have talked to her many times. They get so insecure and tense when they meet beautiful women that all they can do is freeze.
Sadly, most of the men I know fall into this category.
How to Gain Confidence with Women
Learning how to gain confidence with women can be a relatively straightforward and painless journey. Unfortunately, most men turn it into an endless roller–coaster of miserable lows and brilliant highs. Let us try a little experiment. Put yourself back in a place in your life where you were at your most confident and felt invincible. A place where you felt like nothing could stand in your way. How did it feel? If you can’t recall such a place, just envision a more confident version of yourself.
Now, visualize that stunning woman you have been yearning for standing in front of the more confident version of yourself. Then imagine her smiling and looking at you with that look of love and longing. How does it feel?
Now, imagine her look turning to one of indifference, then unfamiliarity, and finally distrust. How is the confidence working for you now? If something like this happens to you, you are going to feel completely worthless and your confidence will take a major hit.
If you are like most men, you are going to slide down that slippery slope that will put you right back to where you started.
Get off the Roller–Coaster
Some guys are able to bounce back surprisingly fast from a situation like this; in fact, some use such situations to help them find the right woman. However, one key element of building confidence is lacking from this scenario, which means that such men get stuck on the roller–coaster. Many, so called, experts insist that the best way to build true self–confidence is doing the same thing successfully, again and again.
However, basing your confidence on this premise can be very dangerous.
Picture yourself looking at the girl of your dreams from across the bar. Can you be sure that you can make her like you? No one can. Even the most awesome and handsome guy in the world cannot guarantee anything. This is because she has had many experiences, both good and bad, and interpreted those experiences to form a totally different point of view from yours. She may dislike the way you dress, your height, the color of your skin, or she may be just in a terrible mood. Any number of external factors can make her dislike you.
If you base your self–confidence on external outcomes, you may be trapping yourself on a never–ending roller–coaster. It is impossible to guarantee an external outcome because many factors involved lie outside your control.
The key to building unshakable confidence and getting off the seduction roller–coaster is changing how you value yourself. The self–confidence that most seduction gurus keep talking about is actually self–belief.
However, self–belief is only one part of the equation.
The other important part that they seem to forget about is self–acceptance. Self–acceptance is not about feeling great because you can do this or are good at that. Rather, it is feeling good about yourself regardless of what you can do. It is about accepting yourself just as you are.